Marriage is about compromise, give and take, and respect for each other. With that in mind, I would like to offer up this, open letter to my husband:
Dear Man I Married,
I adore you. I hope I make that clear on a regular basis. And I'll support you in anything you do. But you better have been kidding about getting those Crocs or we.are.OVER. I took you for better or worse, but plastic footwear is a whole other level. And it was NOT covered in our wedding vows.
I offer up no complaint for any of your other footwear, I even compromised on the boat shoes...even though I don't expect you to actually BE on a boat anytime soon. And that one time I met those really horrible people who were all wearing matching boat shoes.. But I can get over that.
I will not get over crocs. Not.Ever. Unless you are gardening or dealing with bio-hazardous materials you have no reason for plastic footwear. NONE. Which is why I'm 99% sure you're kidding. But then I never expected you to bring me strawberry ice cream either. That 1% is keeping me awake at night. (That and that horrible joke you told about spiders the other day.) The minuscule chance that the next time I open the door for the UPS man, he's going to hand me a box stamped with CAUTION: Plastic shoes contained within. CONSULT a marriage counselor at once.
In closing, I'd like to remind you that a marriage, like any good relationship, is based on respect, and I DO not respect crocs. I'd also like to remind you that I don't root for the Red Sox.
Yours in wedded bliss